Even if you’re actively One of the first and most common questions is simply “when should you have the defining the relationship” talk? However, as with navigating the tricky world of gift giving there some guidelines as to whether to have it sooner or later. Dating is a cumulative experience; the more often you see each other, the more likely that you’re going to want to have the DTR convo sooner rather than later.
When you’re seeing each other once or twice a week at the most – usually just on weekends – then there is a lower level of implied intimacy and emotional investment than a couple that sees each other three to four times a week.
Straight talk: there are two phrases that a woman can say that will instill ball-shrinking terror in the heart of every man.
The first is “We need to talk.” The second is “Where do you think this relationship is going?
Sometimes the schedules of our day to day lives mean that we can’t see people as often as we’d like.
But that doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re not in contact with them.
because we were spending weeks at a time together whenever she came to see me.
Just because you’re not seeing each other every day doesn’t mean you’re not interested.If you’re talking every single day on the phone or over social media between the moments when your schedules line up, it moves the timeline for the DTR conversation slightly to “sooner”.Similarly, a couple that only sees each other in short, intense bursts in between long stretches of non-contact (long-distance relationships and out-of-town hook-ups, for example) is probably going to want to have the DTR sooner – the intensity of that time together, coupled with the length of time spent when you together tends to necessitate making sure everyone is on the same page.To give a personal example: my wife and I had our DTR conversation the third time she came to visit…” It’s the dreaded “Defining The Relationship” talk… The DTR talk has achieved an almost mythical level of terror amongst people – especially men, because it almost always comes at the worst possible moment, and suddenly you have to make decisions that will affect you for the rest of your relationship.For many men, it represents a massive, possibly undesirable, change in the nature of your relationship with this person. As much as it would be nice to have a handy rule of thumb like “three weeks after you start sleeping together” or a concrete date, every relationship is different and, as a result, the timing will be different as well.